Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
