I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
