I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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