Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
