if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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