Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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