Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
