You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
