Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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