hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
