She's JV to your varsity
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
