Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
