is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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