When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
