Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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