So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize