He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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