no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
