Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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