Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
