K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
