i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In other news, I just burned my penis
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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