Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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