the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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