mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
