i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
