I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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