also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
