she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
