the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
