I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
