that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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