I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
