I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
