my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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