There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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