where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I could teleport
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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