idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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