What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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