If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she looked like the before picture.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
