When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
