At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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