Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
