drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
