yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
