it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
