From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
