Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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