did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
