Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
