you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
