I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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