his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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