I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
