Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
