I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
