dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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