Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
