Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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