I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
