So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
