To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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