barbara walters just said penis...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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