thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
