I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
