Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
