That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
