OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
