i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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