good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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