my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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