no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
