Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
