I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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