I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
