its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
