I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
