maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
