the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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