when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
