I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
