I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
