Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
