Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize