sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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