I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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