I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
