I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize