my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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