i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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